eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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