HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
