she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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