Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
