that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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