Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My feet surprised me
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