i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
