I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He passed out mid-signature
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
