I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
