gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
