Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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