don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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