Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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