i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
