so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
