Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
