Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize