so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
