I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
