oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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