How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
