woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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