I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
What a dumb baby whore.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
