If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
