1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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