Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
