it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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