Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
