Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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