hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
