God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
