She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I can't put those talents on a resume
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
