Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
