Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize