in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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