I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's blow job season.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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