I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
