Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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