Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's never too late to be topless.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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