Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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