it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
