I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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