that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
