oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
