I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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