Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
