Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
