clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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