lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
