at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
