pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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