But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
