That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
