I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
