let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
