My first STD was from a foam party
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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