No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
