I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
