but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
