Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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