dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
