Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
