would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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