Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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