paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
