Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
