That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This is the high leading the old right now
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize