a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
