i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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