I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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