it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
