am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
