Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
so much tequila, so little girl.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
