get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
