I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
