You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
