I think im going to throw up on grandma
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
