He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
